Are you DIVORCED and facing HOLIDAY VISITATION PROBLEMS
Once again it is that holiday season. This is the busy season for lawyers and judges who must help people who are beginning the fight “who gets the kids, for how long and when.”
Normally, “holiday” visitation is regarded as the day the children are released from school until the day they return to school. Having a written agreement or a court schedule will spell out when the visitation starts, who picks up and drops off, etc. If you don’t have a written agreement, you may be facing a dispute with your former spouse. This is not a great time of year to have this fight and your children and you will suffer. Of course, the easy answer is to work it out with your former spouse. This gets complicated if you do not have a working relationship or, as is the case in modern times, there are “blended” families…a remarriage or other change in family.
The absolute worst thing you can do is to wait until it is too late. The visitation should be ironed out three months in advance and if you think there is going to be a problem – make sure your agreement is in writing – even and email will suffice. If you get into the “fight” your lawyer may be not be able to do much. The courts are jammed this time of year as many judges (yes they are people too) take time off, leaving their case load for after the holidays, and lawyers also take time off. Your holiday visitation is NOT an emergency to the court and you are NOT going to get a hearing prior to the holidays. So follow these suggestions:
1. Compromise. You will NOT get both Thanksgiving and Christmas. If you want Thanksgiving this year, understand that you are probably going to have to give up Christmas Day. Work it out. Keep in mind that the kids want to see you and they cannot wait to get their presents and goodies. So – if your Christmas morning is on the 26th – so what?
2. Make Your Own Plans. If you don’t have Christmas this year, you will have it next year. There is no time like the present to figure out what you are going to do on the holiday when you don’t have the kids. Don’t give your kids a guilt trip, they should be able to spend time with both parents without guilt.
3. Two Celebrations are Better than One. The children will never complain about having two Christmases. You can celebrate with them on the days that you do have them.
4. Don’t make assumptions. If you are traveling for a holiday and there is no agreement as to who gets the holiday this year, make sure you speak with your former spouse before booking flights or hotel rooms. Never assume that the holiday is yours. You will have much better success at getting a particular holiday if you speak with the other parent first and ask them whether you can have the kids rather than just making plans without consulting the other parent.
5. Plan ahead. The sooner you can come to an agreement about the holiday schedule, the smoother the season will go. Waiting until the last minute will provide little chance that you will be able to get to see a judge before the holiday if an agreement can’t be reached.
6. Focus on the Positive. Divorce is difficult on everyone and can be even more difficult if you are going through one during the holiday season. Focusing on the positive can help you get through the season and it makes it a lot easier on the children.
7. Be Flexible- If your ex-spouse has a holiday this year, wants to travel and stay a day later which means that will cut into your time, if you don’t have other plans, be okay with this, because you never know when you are going to need the same flexibility.
It never fails, our phones start ringing two weeks before thanksgiving and it does not let up until the evening of December 24. We hate to have to tell clients that there is little to nothing that can be done. Yes – ex-spouses can do hateful and nasty things and they will involve the children and you will get aggravated. Keep in mind that the low ball fees for a motion and hearing are around $2500 and it may only be a motion for contempt, which is AFTER the damage is done. We cannot tell you how many times the judge or magistrate does NOT hold your ex-spouse in contempt but merely chastises them for being uncooperative and gives you two extra days in the summer.
If you find yourself in such a position it is best to consult an attorney with substantial experience. There are so many different circumstances that a proper answer to your particular problem can only be obtained by a trained and experienced lawyer.
If you have any question regarding this or any other legal matter our firm may be able to help you. Please contact Jupiter Legal Advocates at (561) 748-8000 or email us at [email protected] for further information and assistance. We try our very best to respond immediately.
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JUPITER LEGAL ADVOCATES
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